We can only imagine the pressure that comes with keeping up appearances. But it seems Kathryn Bernardo is not one to pretend everything’s alright. Here’s what we learned about forgiveness from the Box Office Queen of her generation

Kathryn Bernardo is no stranger to making headlines. But the headline that caught our attention was that of Kathryn opening up about forgiveness. A star of her caliber, one might think that the end of her relationship with Daniel Padilla was nothing more than the end of a (very successful) love team or contract agreement. But it was a very real relationship for the people involved; a relationship that many of us rooted for and still mourn.

Being in the public eye and in the aftermath of a breakup, we can only imagine the pressure that comes with keeping up appearances. But it seems Kathryn Bernardo is not one to hide or pretend that everything’s alright, and she does so with such grace. Here’s what we learned about forgiveness from the Box Office Queen of her generation:

Compartmentalize

Kathryn allows herself to “feel” without sacrificing her work and other obligations.

Heal and look at the bright side

Focus on what you have, like blessings you’ve received and people who have stayed with you through difficult times.

Keep busy but don’t forget to recharge

Kathryn busies herself with work but knows when to take some time off to recharge.

Protect your peace

This varies from person to person, but for the actress, this means keeping her distance to protect her peace.

“I forgive you, but it doesn’t mean I have to keep you in my life”

For Kathryn, forgiveness is more for herself than it is for the other person. Forgive for clarity and for your own peace of mind.

While Kathryn Bernardo unknowingly gave us sage advice, there’s a lot more to unpack on the subject of forgiveness and how to forgive someone who hurt you.

Many of us intellectually know that forgiveness is the key to healing. However, many of us still find it hard to do so (I know I do). But as Kathryn said, forgiveness is more about you than it is about the other person. So how do you even begin? In Rachel Ayre’s article on Medium, her process starts with this: think about whether the person needs to be forgiven or if you just need to let it go. If it’s a broken object (broken by accident or with good reason), then perhaps yeah, you can just let it go. But if he/she/they broke your heart or hurt you, then you need to take some time to process the difficult emotions and memories that come with it. Name those feelings and identify your triggers so that you can learn to cope and move forward. Ayre agrees that it’s not an overnight job and can take weeks, months and even years for some.

The end goal from all the work you need to do is forgiveness. But make no mistake, forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing or forgetting the harm done to you. It doesn’t mean letting the person who hurt you back into your life or getting that same person to change. Forgiveness is also not about justice but peace as I’ve learned from Rhiannon K. Baker’s TEDx Talk. She explains, “you may never obtain justice but that shouldn’t prevent you from seeking peace about the situation.” To support this statement and from the lens of medical editors, forgiveness can bring you peace, happiness and spiritual healing. It takes away the power the other person continues to have in your life, and allows you to focus on you, what you can control and the present.

So forgive not because they asked for it, but because you deserve it.