Even after his death, Michael Jackson sold 16.1 million albums in the US, marking the culmination of an incredible career. Thriller, his 1982 hit song, has sold more than 2.5 million copies, according to Billboard. However, beneath his glamorous exterior, the King of Pop led a lonely life, shortly before he passed away, Jackson opened out to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach in a deeply moving interview about the scars he carried from his early life and how he used to talk to mannequins to feel less alone. “I was looking for people to talk to. I was so lonely I would cry in my room upstairs. I would think, ‘That’s it. I am getting out of here,’ and I would walk down the street. I remember really saying to people, ‘Will you be my friend?'”, he confessed for The Michael Jackson Tapes: A Tragic Icon Reveals His Soul in Intimate Conversation.

During his demanding rehearsals, Michael was required to perform flawlessly in both singing and dancing, or his father threatened to physically harm him if he made any mistakes. Thus, the Beat It hitmaker would wander the streets in search of new acquaintances, even watching children play in playgrounds and lamenting the passing of his youth.”They were like, ‘Michael Jackson!’ I would go, ‘Oh god! Are they going to be my friend because of Michael Jackson? Or because of me?’ I just wanted someone to talk to.” As per The Mirror, Jackson acknowledged that he never felt like a true teenager and that he would watch the neighborhood kids playing on swings in the park across from his recording studio.

“I wanted so badly to play in the park across the street because the kids were playing baseball and football but I had to record. I could see the park, right across the street. But I had to go in the other building and work until late at night making the albums,” he sentimentally recalled. “I sat there looking at the kids with tears running down my face and I would say, ‘I am trapped and I have to do this for the rest of my life. I am under contract.’ But I wanted to go over there so bad it was killing me, just to [meet] a friend to say, ‘Hi.’ I used to walk the streets looking for someone to talk to.”

Image Source: Getty Images| Photo by Dave Hogan

Jackson admitted that he “knew something was wrong” with him because he would confide in his numerous child-sized mannequins, which were found in a variety of strange positions around his Neverland ranch following his passing. “I needed someone … That’s probably why I had the mannequins,” he revealed to the Rabbi during his tape session. “I would say because I felt I needed people, someone, I didn’t have … I was too shy to be around real people. I didn’t talk to them. It wasn’t like old ladies talking to plants. But I always thought I wanted something to make me feel like I had company.”

“I always thought, ‘Why do I have these?’ They are like real babies, kids, and people, and it makes me feel like I am in a room with people.” He added it was “children all over the world – all children” that gave him resilience following his own horrific upbringing.